From People-Pleasing to Self-Acceptance: My Journey

Over the last few weeks, one thing has become abundantly clear to me—I am no longer the person I was growing up or even the person I was 10 years ago.

From People-Pleasing to Standing My Ground

I’ve always considered myself a people person. But in the past, that often meant I was more focused on pleasing others, even if it meant taking the blame for things beyond my control. I avoided conflict at all costs, sometimes to the point of making myself anxious at work, afraid of making mistakes or getting in trouble.

I remember when I worked at a bank, I had to ask my manager to be direct with me whenever they needed something. Phrases like “Usha, can I talk to you when you have a minute?” would immediately trigger anxiety. I’d spend the time before the conversation worrying about what I might have done wrong, only to find out they just needed me to take a late lunch or help with the ATMs.

This reaction was deeply ingrained in me. Growing up in a toxic household, I was hyper-aware of my surroundings, always on my best behavior to avoid conflict. I saw how my father put my siblings down when they didn’t behave as he expected, and I never wanted to be on the receiving end of that. As a result, I carried this fear into my workplace, constantly worried about letting people down.

Another thing that haunted me was the fear of making mistakes and looking foolish. I had been laughed at, called stupid, and made to feel small over minor errors or misunderstandings. This fear held me back from standing up for myself or admitting when I was wrong.

A Defining Moment at Work

But recently, I realized something—I’m not that person anymore. And I had two moments, on the same day, that proved it.

I’ve been with my current team for about a year, and I’ve built a strong reputation as a perfectionist, a fast worker, and a friendly, reliable colleague. That day, I started work at 6:10 AM (one of the perks of flex hours, since I needed to leave early for the school run). By 9 AM, I had already completed 30 cases—well ahead of my target. Since I was so far ahead, my manager asked me to handle file returns, a process where we return incomplete or incorrect applications to the sender.

As I was processing a case, I noticed that the original caseworker hadn’t followed the correct procedure. I flagged this to my manager, who agreed and asked me to email the caseworker and their manager, requesting that they correct their mistake.

Not long after, I received a slightly aggressive email in response, insisting they had followed procedure (which they hadn’t). The old me would have panicked, doubted myself, and possibly backed down. But this time, I felt something different—I was angry. I knew I was right, and I wasn’t about to be talked down to.

So, I responded firmly but professionally, explaining exactly what had been done incorrectly and why their justification didn’t hold up. I backed it up with the necessary evidence, pointing out that there was no recorded action to support their claims.

The best part? Twenty minutes later, I received another email from them thanking me for “clarifying.” And when I checked the case, they had gone back and processed it correctly.

I was so proud of myself for standing my ground. Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that.

Embracing Mistakes Without Shame

That same day, I also had a moment of pure silliness—and instead of feeling ashamed, I just laughed it off.

In my department, we work in units, and each unit has designated office days. At the end of January, we received a schedule listing office days from February through June. Since my husband and I plan around my office days for school runs and holidays, I always mark them on my phone’s calendar and send him a screenshot.

For some reason, when I was adding the office days, I completely skipped March. I didn’t notice the mistake and somehow convinced myself that I had no office days that entire month. I was even excited, thinking I could work from home and have an easier time with the school run.

So, for weeks, I confidently told my acting manager that I had no office days in March. He was skeptical, but I insisted I had checked the schedule properly. He just smiled and suggested I double-check.

And when I did? I realized I had overlooked an entire column. My unit did have office days in March.

The old me would have been mortified and spent the rest of the day feeling stupid. But instead, I just burst out laughing and admitted my mistake. My manager laughed too and reassured me that it happens to everyone.

Growth Is in the Small Moments

These might seem like small moments to most people, but to me, they symbolize how much I’ve grown since leaving my old, toxic life behind. I’ve learned to trust myself, stand up for what I know is right, and even embrace my silly mistakes without fear or embarrassment.

For the first time, I truly accept myself—flaws, strengths, and all.