From Survival to Thriving: My Journey Beyond Toxicity

Growing up in a toxic family felt like a constant battle to protect my sanity and shield myself from the environment around me. The truth is, I didn’t even realise I had been living in survival mode until the first time I moved out of my parents’ home with my husband after a huge fight with my dad.

Yes, there was still some toxicity in my life — my sister-in-law was still present — but it wasn’t a daily reality anymore. For the first time, I was free to live my life with my husband in our quirky little flat.

That peace didn’t last long.

When my dad died, I was pulled straight back into family drama after deciding to move home to look after my mum. I had no idea life was about to become even harder.

The second real taste of freedom came when I cut ties with my side of the family and moved away to the West Midlands. For the first time, I didn’t live in fear of toxic family members turning up at my doorstep — something that had always been possible before because they still had access to the home we lived in.

That feeling of not fearing a knock at the door was a huge relief.

But I still wasn’t completely free.

A legal case involving my sibling and family was ongoing, and the emotional pressure of it followed me into this new chapter of life.

Building a Life While Carrying Constant Dread

I tried my best to live life on my terms, but every few weeks something related to the court case would resurface. Trips to London to meet solicitors. Paperwork. Stress. Emotional upheaval.

At the same time, life kept moving forward.

Maanvi started full-time school.

Jiya grew from baby to toddler.

I ran my small craft business from home.

From the outside, life looked normal. But internally, there was always a cloud of dread hanging over me — wondering what would appear in the next legal document or what my family would say next.

We still made memories. Trips to the zoo, the park, the farm — all the places I’d never been able to take the girls when we lived in London. We tried to create joy and normality for our children.

But the fear never fully left during the nine years the court case lasted.

During those nine years, I conceived and gave birth to Maanvi, raised her until she was three and a half, became pregnant with Jiya, moved house while 22 weeks pregnant, gave birth again, raised two young children, and ran a business — all while carrying the emotional weight of an ongoing legal battle.

When the Case Finally Ended

Life didn’t dramatically change while the case was ongoing.

The real shift came when it finally ended.

The change wasn’t immediate. The first year, if I’m honest, I just relaxed. The mental load I had carried for years suddenly disappeared. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted, and all I wanted to do was enjoy the quiet after closing such a painful chapter.

For the first time in years, life felt peaceful.

Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone

One of the first things I did was buy an auction property.

I’ve always loved interior design — maybe I’m not an expert, but I love transforming spaces. After the house in London sold following the case settlement, my husband and I decided to try property renovation.

We found a house, bid at auction… and won.

Then something unexpected happened.

We received an email from the auction house saying the TV show Homes Under the Hammer had been filming at the auction and were looking for participants.

I went back and forth for ages. I wanted to do it, but my insecurities resurfaced immediately. I worried about judgement, my skin condition, my weight — all the old fears came flooding back.

My husband encouraged me to go for it. So I did.

Applying for the show was the first time I truly stepped outside my comfort zone — and it definitely wasn’t the last.

Rebuilding My Confidence and Career

The next big step was applying for a job I never believed I was good enough to get.

I had worked in banking for nearly ten years before becoming a stay-at-home mum. After moving to a new city and raising two children under five, I assumed I would return to work in a basic role — maybe retail or reception.

I didn’t believe I could build a career again.

My husband believed in me more than I believed in myself. He encouraged me to apply for roles in the Civil Service.

So I took a leap of faith and applied.

I was shocked when I got an interview. Then the self-doubt hit — I hadn’t interviewed in nearly 15 years. When the application asked about reasonable adjustments, I disclosed my anxiety. I was allowed a fidget toy and given extra time to answer questions.

And I got the job.

No Longer in Survival Mode

That moment felt like a turning point.

For the first time, I realised I was no longer surviving — I was living.

I started showing up on social media, sharing my story and promoting my book. I didn’t expect much. But one post went viral last October and triggered a chain reaction of opportunities, conversations, and hundreds of new followers.

For so many years, life was about survival.

Now, it’s about growth.

I am no longer in survival mode.

I am thriving