Reflecting on Motherhood: My Personal Journey

With Mother’s Day now over a week behind us, I’ve taken a moment to reflect on my own journey of motherhood—and to think about the kind of mum I believe I am.

But before diving into all that, let me tell you a little about how Mother’s Day went for me this year.

A Special Mother’s Day at Church

Sunday morning started with church. My husband goes every week, and the girls usually attend when it’s Sunday School. But this weekend was different—Maanvi was asked to take part in the service and do a reading. So the whole crew came along: me, my husband, Jiya, my husband’s cousin (who’s currently staying with us), her children, and of course, Maanvi.

She was brilliant. Even though she was nervous about speaking in front of everyone, I reminded her this wasn’t her first time. She’s taken part in plenty of events at both church and school and always done wonderfully. This time was no different—despite stumbling on a few words, she kept her composure and did an amazing job.

When we got home, Maanvi and Jiya surprised me with a big wicker box for Mother’s Day. Inside were two Easter eggs, shampoo, conditioner, and hand cream. Simple, but so thoughtful. I loved that they’d put in the effort to make me feel special.

The Early Days of Motherhood

Becoming a mum hasn’t been an easy road for me. As those who’ve read my book will know, I cut ties with my side of the family years ago. So when Maanvi was born, I had no one to support me except my husband. Two first-time parents with zero experience, completely thrown in at the deep end from day one—add postnatal depression into the mix, and those early months were incredibly tough.

I still remember our first night at home with Maanvi. She was just two days old. Breastfeeding had been going well in hospital—she was latching on, and I felt such a deep connection with her. Even though I was absolutely exhausted after nearly three days in labour and a sleepless night post-birth, I was just happy to be home, starting our life as a family.

But the universe had other plans.

Struggles with Feeding

What I didn’t realise at the time was that colostrum—the first milk—only lasts for a short while before regular milk comes in. For me, there was a delay between the two. That first night at home, Maanvi wasn’t getting any milk. She cried all night because she was hungry, and by the next morning, she had lost 11% of her birth weight. We found out when the midwife came to check on us.

She was immediately admitted back into hospital. Less than 24 hours after being discharged, we were back. Maanvi was put on the children’s ward, given her own room, and fitted with a nasal feeding tube. She spent two weeks there and even had her first Easter in hospital.

Once she came home, we faced a new challenge—what we thought was “reflux”.

As new parents, we were advised to start with 1oz of formula per feed, increasing by half an ounce when she finished the bottle. The issue was that Maanvi didn’t have the ability to recognise when she was full—so she would finish every bottle, no matter how much we gave her. By the time she was just four weeks old, she was drinking 5–6oz per feed. Her tiny stomach simply couldn’t handle that much, and she would throw up after nearly every feed.

She was misdiagnosed with reflux. It wasn’t until she was four months old and I trusted my instincts—taking her to A&E—that a doctor finally explained what was really happening. I was unintentionally overfeeding her.

We adjusted her feeds after that, but the damage was done. Vomiting became so routine that it no longer raised concern. Even now, she’ll sometimes throw up if she eats too much—we’ve learned to monitor her food intake closely, as she still doesn’t recognise when she’s full. Thankfully, her dad and I can usually tell when she’s had enough.

A Smoother Journey with Our Second

Raising Jiya, our second-born, was a different experience. My in-laws were around to help, and although she arrived early and spent her first two weeks in the neonatal unit, we didn’t have the same feeding issues.

By six months, we started her on solids, and by two years, she had caught up with all her developmental milestones. She was thriving.

Finding My Way as a Mum

Motherhood hasn’t come naturally to me. I didn’t grow up with a strong maternal figure and have had to figure it all out myself—learning to trust my instincts, navigate every challenge, and find my own rhythm as a mum.

Now, with Maanvi nearly 11 and Jiya 7, I know this journey is far from over. They’re still children, and there’s so much more ahead. But looking back, I’m proud of how far we’ve come.

I may not have had the most conventional or supported start to motherhood—but I’ve built something strong, filled with love, resilience, and learning.